If you need to pick up your older child, and you need Sam to ride his bike, you might give him some Skittles for “energy food.” Even though both you and Sam know the Skittles are a bribe to get him on his bike and to stop playing with that darn hula hoop.
Sam will take so long to eat the Skittles, you’ll give up on trying to get him on his bike, and you’ll beg your sweet neighbor to pick up your older child. She will agree, and you’ll be left with Sam, who has just eaten a lot of “energy food.”
So, you’ll let him play with the hula hoop, but he’ll have even more energy, so he’ll beg you to ride his bike to the park. And when your older child gets home and hears the begging, she’ll start in too.
When they go to the park, Sam will have so much energy, he’ll do a maneuver on his bike resulting in a scratch down his belly. That will end the fun and everyone will come inside to “help” Sam find a Band-Aid for his owie.
Sam’s Band-Aid will make all the other kids so jealous that they’ll all dance around you and beg for one, too. When you tell them no, Sam will brag about his Band-Aid, and then you’ll realize you’re late for Family Worship at church, and you’ll tell everyone to “JUST GET IN THE CAR!”
When no one does, you’ll ask your dear friend, Aunt Katie, to come with you and help you get the kids to worship since your husband is out of town on this hectic night. She’ll agree, and then you’ll ask her to drive Sam and his envy-inducing Band-Aid so the ride isn’t quite so loud for you.
Because she loves you and your kids, she’ll come along to Family Worship and she’ll say yes to driving a little boy hyped up on Skittles. You’ll drive to the church, doing your best to make sure she can follow you.
But you’ll get separated, and you’ll end up at the church alone, where your other kids will dance and jump and chatter while you try to load up their plates all while calling your friend, who has still not made it to the church.
While you’re slopping BBQ on baked potatoes, you’ll see you missed three calls from your friend. So, you’ll endure the curious glances from your new church friends, who wonder why you’re on your cell phone instead of telling your kids they can’t have six cookies.
But you can’t say no to the cookies, because you’ll be on the phone learning that your friend and Sam are marooned under I-10 after a car cut them off, which made them swerve over several curbs, which resulted in two flat tires. And you’ll start praying, and asking near-strangers if they can eat dinner with your other kids while you zoom to I-10 to help your dear friend and your super-excited son.
When you get there, you’ll laugh with your friend and your son because it’s so crazy the car is totally stuck on top of a median and not going anywhere because of the flatness of its tires. And the other cars will zip past because, wouldn’t you know it?, the construction workers are closing down the highway soon for road work.
So, you’ll load up your “THIS WAS SO COOL!” son and leave your friend so you can get your other kids from the church. Your church friends will be understanding, but a little confused about what in the heck is going on.
Your other kids will ask Sam six zillion questions about the curb crash and tell him he can show his Kindergarten class his scratched stomach and claim it’s from the curb crash and everyone will think he’s so cool.
You’ll remind your kids not to lie while you stop back by I-10 to check on your friend, who is still waiting for the tow truck and her husband. But then you’ll go home because you realize you’re starving, and that Sam has still not eaten.
You’ll get home, put the other kids in the bath, and feed Sam some leftover breakfast kolaches.
And when he asks for Skittles for his dessert, you’ll tell him “NO!”
Then you’ll kiss him and hug him and tell him how happy you are that he’s okay.
