After twelve years of trying to figure out what it means to be a successful Writer, I’m finally learning a bit. I’m starting to realize that playing the role of Writer is ego-feeding, control-freak work. It’s not writing, and real writing is what gives me the healing I desperately need.
When I’m scared, I try to act like a Writer. I bury myself in writing-career stuff. I follow trends, post clever Instagram pictures to get likes, and strategize marketing schemes. When I try to be a writer, I believe the lie that I’m in control.
I rarely actually write. I don’t slice open a vein of real emotion and put it down on a page. I’m too scared to trust my stories will have any impact. I stop trusting God’s given me good stories.
Living the role of a Writer pulls me further and further from the good stuff. Believing the lie successful writers are made on social media keeps my eyes on my phone and not on my kids. Not writing honest stories robs my soul of what it really needs. Strategizing about what books editors might be buying keeps me from writing those actual books. Thinking about myself as a Writer makes me forget that editors always want honest books, straight from the trenches of what the Christian life is actually like. They never want books that are bloated with spiritual phrases that no one really understands. People want to read raw writing; they don’t want to read Writers who are trying to advance their careers.
Scared Writers don’t write. We never make time to lay out our spiritual struggles. Amazon sales numbers make us feel in control, and we would rather fix those than tell the honest stories. We would rather do marketing giveaways with lots of fanfare than write a heartfelt letter to someone who needs to hear compassionate truth and love.
Does any of this make sense to you right now? What role are you playing that’s so far removed from the reason you started it? What important creative practice have you set down so you could pick up something that feeds your ego?
What are in danger of losing right now?
More importantly, how can you get it back?
