First of all, let me just say that the pictures you’ll see here are not pretty. You know how when an actor gains a bunch of weight for a movie, they always win an Oscar–to reward their humiliation. That’s what I’m doing here. Humiliating myself in the name of journalism–actually in the name of fashion rules on a blog. Which is just about the same thing, right?
But the pictures are good visual reminders of what NOT to do. All rules I’ve broken, as proof by pictures of me from the past six months
First Reminder…Functionality Matters
Active mothering clothes, that’s what I have to remember to buy now. Clothes that I could run a marathon or meet a teacher in. No more clingy fabrics or clothes that don’t breathe. Or that I wore in the ’90s ( a time in which I combined these worst offenses)
I need to buy T-shirts that are roomy enough around the tummy to not ride up. Or make me look four months pregnant. Necklines that don’t stretch when I’m lugging a toddler on my hip. Jeans that aren’t so SUPER LOW RISE they’re intended for a high school freshman to wear to her school dance, instead of for me to crouch down in at the playground. Shoes with support, never ones that pinch. Shorts that are long enough that they don’t look like my current bathing suit bottom, but short enough that I’m not sweating while pushing a kid on a bike. Leggings are deceptive in that they SEEM like super functional mommy wear, but they’re hard to pull off. Backside coverage is the main issue. It always feels like you’ve got plenty of low coverage, but when you’re bending down to pick up spilled Goldfish, you’re showing the world more than they want to see of form-fitting fabric on 40+ (or almost) year-old thighs.
The below picture is nice reminder of what NOT to wear. The shirt is not active mother wear. Neither are those jeans. Ugh. I can FEEL them not breathing, just looking at this picture.
Clearly I’m breaking the functionality rule in the below picture. Unless I really believe I’m going to lug around a kid (or four) without flashing someone.
Second Reminder…Fit Matters
This may seem like rule one, but clothes only lack functionality when they’re too small. Clothes that are too BIG are a whole other problem for me. And temptation. Let’s blame this on the fact that if you’re a mom, you’ve probably lost and gained HUNDREDS of pounds in the past few years. Forty up, forty down. And again. And again.
The problem becomes that it’s so hard to part with the nice roomy fleece you bought on one of those trips up or down the scale. Or those Joe’s ‘skinny’ jeans that are now a size too big. Or worse, too small. See below picture for my biggest culprits. Work-out wear that has long since lost its elasticity. BTW, I find that work-our wear is difficult for moms in general–or at least this mom. If it’s tight enough to fit properly, I’m probably showing some major panty lines. Saggy workout wear looks like I wore it while gaining or losing my last 40 pounds. Which, of course, I did.
Third Reminder…Material Matters
I love clothes. LOVE them. I always have. My problem is that I love new clothes. I attribute this to the fact that my main personality trait is creativity. And I love the inspiration new clothes brings. To me. To my closet. So fun.
Over the years, I’ve succumbed to the rule of Buy New! Buy Cheap! Lots of J.Crew and Banana Republic Outlet stuff. Nordstrom Rack Clearance and Marshall’s anything. But I’ve learned my lesson. Kind of. I still love a deal…and good design that’s cheap. Good design doesn’t have to cost a lot is a true adage. A not true adage is that good material doesn’t cost a lot. It does.
Over the years, I’ve succumbed to the rule of Buy New! Buy Cheap! Lots of J.Crew and Banana Republic Outlet stuff. Nordstrom Rack Clearance and Marshall’s anything. But I’ve learned my lesson. Kind of. I still love a deal…and good design that’s cheap. Good design doesn’t have to cost a lot is a true adage. A not true adage is that good material doesn’t cost a lot. It does.
I have made the same cute-$12-t-shirt-hanging-nicely-in-a-brightly-lit-store mistake so many times. I think you know what I mean. As soon as I’ve washed that $12 t-shirt a couple times? It LOOKS like a used $12 shirt. Raggedy. I’ve repeated this mistake at (I’m horrified to admit) the Clearance rack at Target in all matter of cute cardigans and shift dresses that become so sad and limp in my closet, hogging the space that could be used on clothes that are made with material that has some memory. I won’t even discuss the Kirkland workout gear I once bought from Costco. That broke all three rules…and maybe even some I haven’t thought of yet.
The pants in the below picture…Marshall’s Mistake.
Now, it’s documented in really embarrassing pictures. Fashion Reminders to take with me to the mall.
