I love this picture. It’s the universal picture of our kids. Ellie’s hair and smile…Sam and Catie’s face shape and eyes…the baby fine white hair that even Nate is now getting. It’s the catch-all Hergenrader Kid photo. Like an optical illusion…look at it once and you’ll see one kid. Look at it again, see them all.
The sepia effect is for my melancholy mood. Ever have those nights when it feels like your kids are growing up too fast? Maybe it’s been after a day like I had, when their time-outs were in the double digits, and I can’t imagine them growing up to be anything more than whiny, insecure, selfish convicts. Who argue with each other.
And with me.
On nights like this I feel ineffective as a mom. I feel so sad that one day they’ll all grow up and leave me and never appreciate how hard I tried. They’ll only remember that I wouldn’t sing them a sixteenth lullaby and then accused them of manipulating me (which they were). They’ll move out and never realize how hard I wanted to love them, even if it meant needing a nap on the couch at the same moment all four needed my arms around them.
After a Bedtime Battle that seemed to start the moment they woke up today, I’m exhausted.
And they’re all finally asleep.
And now I miss them.
Which probably means I’m overly tired.
And need to go to sleep myself.
Yes, the time on this post is correct.
It’s 9:17 PM.
Goodnight.
