No question about it, I don’t want a c-section. But every day that the baby gets bigger, and I’m still not in labor, the c-section becomes our inevitable delivery method.
Ugh.
There are so many reasons I’ve hoped this wouldn’t be the case. Maybe venting about it here would help me get over it. Because big baby + previous c-section = another c-section. No doubt about it.
The planned, scheduled surgery is so different than my labor with Catie. When I went into labor with her, our friends were over when my water broke. It was a mad scramble of prayers, contacting our parents, and rushing to the hospital. Yes, I had to labor for another sixteen hours or so–a story that I think convinced my ob we wouldn’t be doingTHAT again with a scar on my uterus–but it was all so miraculous and memorable.
What a wonderful feeling! And the recovery–like a vacation compared to the c-section recovery.
Catie’s birth was full of surprises…we hadn’t found out if she was a girl or boy, and we couldn’t have imagined the excitement and emotion of holding our child for the first time.
Sam and Ellie’s birthday was also full of surprises, but different. More surprises like, “You’re going to need a c-section” and “Your babies will need to be in the NICU for a couple weeks.”
Bad or good, I’ll take the surprises over “See you at noon in the Operating Room.”
I really need to get over it.
If there’s anything that pregnancy and motherhood has taught me, it’s that being self-absorbed gets you nowhere. Focus on the blessings–and the obvious blessing in this situation is that we’ll have a new baby.
And this time I know just how miraculous that is. Meeting the child I’ve felt move for months, his newborn smell, introducing him to his waiting brother and sisters…these are moments too breathtaking to limit my focus to the means of delivery.
That said, I’m such an optimist. I still feel like I’ll go into labor and be able to deliver this baby naturally.
And if not, my suitcase is in the car. All ready for that noon appointment for a surgery.
