Bliss (Except Not)

I mentioned a few days ago I couldn’t feel my right arm. It was a huge, inconvenient ordeal, and I attributed the pain and numbness to holding a certain two-and-a-half year old for most of his waking hours.
Fast forward to Sunday night when I was working on my Bible Study. I was on a roll, and I didn’t want to stop for dinner. I inhaled a gluten-free Amy’s burrito while at my desk (believe me, all this will be sort-of important in this long, rambling story). Shortly after that, I developed a sharp pain on my right, front side. Anytime I tried to take a deep breath or move, an excruciating pain–somewhere between my neck and rib cage shot out of nowhere.
Because of the rapid-burrito-eating, I figured it was indigestion, so M and I went for a long walk, and I took some Pepto Bismol. Nothing helped. By 11:30 PM, I was convinced I either needed to go to the ER or to bed. After taking a MASSIVE amount of Advil (and sleep-aids), I fell asleep.
On Monday, the pain was still as sharp. It was so bad, I couldn’t really pinpoint where it was coming from, and my throat also hurt. By bedtime on Monday night, I had a fever, and I had decided the pain was originating in the upper right part of my stomach. I was scared.
My parents are visiting, and my dad told me about his gallbladder attack a few years ago. He had similar pain, and it turned out his gallbladder was filled with small stones and about to rupture. I Googled gallbladder. Sure enough. The symptoms were all there. I couldn’t make it through the night without taking more and more Advil. I worried the fever was a sign of gallbladder infection.
Tuesday morning I woke up with a swollen throat, fever, and a strep throat rash all over my torso. This, combined with everyone I talked to telling me to CALL THE DOCTOR, made me call my ENT doctor. Why see him? (Which is what he asked when I finally saw him and told him I was worried I was having a gallbladder attack). Because I knew he could get me in, and because he’s a really good doctor, who would know mono or strep when he saw it.
He gave me a prescription for a strong antibiotic, ordered a million blood tests for my liver and throat and mono, and told me to call my GI doctor.
So, I was not only in terrible pain, but I still had some kind of a virus. I had also wasted most of the last two days googling symptoms, calling doctors, and trying not to breathe deeply in fear I’d pass out from the pain.
But I made the appointment for the GI doctor (who could get me in that day!), and I went and did all the blood draws at a super efficient place with no one waiting in line! (that last line would be sarcasm…the blood draw place was in a hidden strip mall and filled with the sickest-looking people I’ve ever seen. Most were in their pjs and holding packages labeled HIV POSITIVE BLOOD INSIDE (kidding, sort of.))
After the blood draw ordeal, I headed to wait at the GI doctor’s office. I was a work-in, so the nurse told me to “get comfortable.” Which was okay, because this down time gave me the only bright spot in my day. My friend, Katie, called and prayed with me. God brought such a sense of calm and actual physical healing. I was feeling better with virus crud stuff.
Then came the lowpoint of my day. The nurse called me back, and I waited for TWO MORE HOURS in the doctor’s cramped exam room. I was cold, tired, hungry, and in so much pain. My phone was out of battery, and I had nothing but a Yiddish newspaper and my own mind to keep me company.
Finally, at almost seven o’clock at night, the doctor appeared. She spent MAYBE three minutes with me, just long enough to prescribe some antacids (huh?), feel my gallbladder, and tell me to schedule a STAT ultrasound in the morning.
And, here begins the really rough part of my story. If you have a low threshold for other people’s misery, click away now.
You can’t eat or drink before an abdominal ultrasound. I eat four breakfasts before ten o’clock, so fasting doesn’t really work for me. But I followed the doctor’s orders the best I could. Besides I was totally distracted learning an abdominal ultrasound costs SIX HUNDRED out-of-pocket DOLLARS .
BUT  I thought as I spent my morning waiting for my turn, that was small price to pay to figure out what the heck was causing this excruciating pain.
Speaking of excruciating pain, I have bore four children, but that pain did not touch what I experienced during this ultrasound. An hour, lying on my back is strange positions, while the tech pushed the wand on my gallbladder made me almost vomit from the pain. At the worst moment, I was curled in a ball sobbing.
When the ultrasound was finally over, I was still sobbing, and I stumbled into the hall. There was M. He had left work to come and be with me. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see him. He held me while I cried from the pain of them poking my tender abdomen and the frustration of the last three days.
He and I went to lunch and discussed when we should schedule the gallbladder surgery. It seemed so obvious that was what this was.
But…it wasn’t my gallbladder. Later that day,  the GI doctor called to report all my internal organs LOOKED GREAT! When I asked what in the world the last three days had meant and what could I do about this pain, she called in a prescription for more antacids (huh?).
So, today I’m still in pain. I have no idea what’s going on, but I’ve sort-of pinpointed the pain to the tendons that stretch from the front of my neck down through my rib cage. This would explain why lying in strange positions made me want to vomit with pain. Sort of. I guess.
And, it would also explain the stress carrying a certain two-year-old can do to your body.
Who knew?