Looking at this picture, when the twins were just about Nate’s age, brings back so many memories. I can recall every detail of that day.
Totally kidding.
I remember almost nothing from this era.
The busy-ness, of course, stole the luxury of reflection. The sheer work of having three kids in three years robbed me of perspective. Of memories.
I’m reading Lit right now, Mary Karr’s memoir. When she describes the era when her son was young, she muses that so much of it is hard to remember because of her loss of self.
Focusing completely on the kids–instead of myself–transformed me a different person. I became less sensitive. Less self-concious.
I stopped worrying so much on how EVERYTHING was affecting me (the curse of my former self-concious mentality). And with that change, I stopped wallowing so much. I stopped obsessing about details.
But I also stopped remembering the details.
I think that’s ultimately a blessing. The loss of self has made this whole experience so much more fun.
So, when a woman in Costco commented on all my kids in the cart and asked their ages, I told her the twins would turn 4 on June 23. She responded with the requisite warning for every person over 60: “Remember everything! They grow up too fast.”
I smiled.
I won’t remember much from this time when I’m so completely consumed with caring for them.
But I will remember that for the first four years of Sam and Ellie’s life, they played together magnificently. Sam was silly, sensitive, sweet, curious, and imaginative. Ellie was focused, imaginative, opinionated, adaptable, and structured.
Happy Birthday, Sam and Ellie.
I hope the next four years will be just as fun.
