Once Upon A Time in a Kingdom Far, Far from IKEA…
there lived a young prince and a young princess. Both had fair skin and golden hair. The prince loved saddling up his royal bicycle and riding all over the beautiful moors of his kingdom. The princess adored dresses and her precious Bitty Baby.
Even though the young prince and princess loved each other, they were quite different. He enjoyed making loud beeping noises for no apparent reason. The princess was known all through the land to be quite particular about which gown she would wear each day. Even which nightgown she would wear at night.
And at nighttime, when the fair princess and prince snuggled into their royal beds, there was another difference. Years ago the princess had learned, like a good little princess, how to sleep in her royal chamber without needing to use the other royal chamber. Each morning she awoke with the bright, golden sun as dry and shiny as that sunshine.
The prince, however, was not as lucky. He often woke in the morning as groggy and soggy. Night after night he forgot to get out of his royal bed to use the chamber.
Forsooth, this was a sticky and messy situation for the prince. It was an even messier situation for his mother, the fair queen. For the prince loved his handsome IKEA bed. The queen, however, who was not only a ruler, but a slave, did not like the odd-shaped IKEA mattress. This strange-shaped mattress made finding fresh sheets and mattress pads for the bed an impossible task.
But the slave-ruler queen loved her prince. She was wise and knew that wearing a royal Pull-up at night would pierce the soul of her prince. She knew that he watched the sunshine princess every morning. The queen saw that he hated being soggy and groggy. He wanted to be as dry and bright as the sunshine also.
So the benevolent queen (who was also a slave), quietly washed the prince’s odd-shaped sheets and mattress pad every day.
And vowed to travel soon to the Kingdom of IKEA to buy 7,000 new sheets for her young prince.
And the all lived happily ever after.
