As a stay-at-home/work-from-home mom, my schedule is flexible. In theory, this open schedule allows time with my kids. My flexibility means I’m available to help when the kids’ school needs a volunteer and to make sure the house is running smoothly. On a good day, being a stay-at-home mom means I can say yes to anything.
But the trap is that I say yes to everything.
Because I’m ashamed I’m not pulling in a regular paycheck, I sign up for more volunteer jobs than I should. I feel guilty about the unfolded laundry and the unwritten thank you notes, so I fill our schedules with activities we’re supposed to be doing. But what the heck are we supposed to be doing? Soccer? Girl Scouts? Family Devotions? Cuddling? What’s meaningful? What will stick?
That shame, guilt, and confusion have bullied me into a calendar full of commitments. The kids should really do swim team, I have time to take them. We should really be at the park enjoying this beautiful weather, I can take them. If I’m home during the day, I should really be in a Bible study/at the gym/checking in on friends. Pretty soon, the flexibility is gone, but the shame and guilt are not.
This week I served on a school accreditation team. For a couple days, I did what working moms do. Traffic. Travel mug of lukewarm coffee. Twelve hours of meetings. Lipstick, high heels, and working lunches.
For two days I didn’t feel guilty about not going to the park or the unfolded laundry. When my kids wore stained shirts to school and ate Nutter Butters for snack, I felt no shame that I had failed them. What could I do? My day was taken up with this other commitment. My role was clear. The long meetings were my structure.
Even though the work “vacation” (if that’s what you can call it) was a nice change of pace, I know the problem isn’t with my schedule. The problem is with my own misdirected guilt.
The different schedule did help me see the trap I’ve fallen into as a stay-at-home mom. It did help me see that every time I say yes to another commitment, I say no to something important, which is usually my kids.
And, most importantly, it helped me see the ways shame and guilt were bossing me around–and how important it is to say no to those.
