Marathon Dos and Don’ts [Spectator Edition]

Because bestoftimes is beginning to read like a Health and Fitness blog, I’ll just lead by clarifying this list of dos and don’ts is not for you, marathon runners. This is for your fans: those spectators racing through back alleys and across highways to catch a glimpse of you chasing your dream.
Further proof this isn’t a health blog: yesterday morning the kids, me, and our friends ate a dozen donuts before the sun was even up. Pretty sure there’s gluten, sugar, and vegetable oil in those. Oh well, we scurried after those marathon runners enough to burn off every calorie.
M ran a great marathon yesterday, despite the freezing-rain type weather. His time wasn’t what he was hoping for, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about marathon runners, it’s that their time is always a source of angst.
If there’s anything I’ve learned about WATCHING marathons (after the several M has done over the years), it’s this list:
1. Do go to the Expo the day before. Not only do you get giant fingers for cheering on your runner, but you can kill HOURS posing your family in Charlie’s Angels style pictures (see above photo) while your runner pursues the large selection of gel packs.

2. Do milk the Expo for all its worth. Believe me. On Marathon Day, your kids will be stunned by those runners willingly out in the freezing rain. They will see those weary runners stumbling along, and they will vow to never, ever stop playing Temple Run long enough to be tortured by activities like running. So, at the Expo, let them feel like real athletes by doing things such as hijacking the runners’ wall of motivation for their own use. Build them up by saying, “You’re a real athlete! You did a great job writing on that wall.” One day they might believe that and set down the Kindle Fire long enough to give jogging a shot.

4. Do also decorate some alternative flair for your cheerleaders. After more freezing marathons than I can count, I’ve learned that t-shirts never get exposed, and we’ve already talked about the glitter signs never seeing the light of day. This year we decorated hats. Brilliant! Cute, warm, and the kids wore them all day. Even though they look like they say, “Run Past!” and “Go Paddy!” Oh, well.

5. Do wake up really early on Marathon Day. See your runner off at 4:30 AM and prepare your bag of bribes snacks, then quietly pack up the car.
6. Don’t let your kids get out of bed, when they also wake up at 4:30 AM. They will come downstairs and spend the next two hours telling you how tired they are. Sadly, I speak from experience.
7. Do bring a friend! After many years of fighting with closed streets, course maps with tiny print, and my own poor sense of direction, I invited my friend, Joy, and her daughter, Sara, along for the adventure. Not only did we see M at SIX STOPS!! (embarrassing last marathon’s TWO STOPS), but we had so much fun. Below is our superstar helper, Sara, who not only lugged around my girls, but cheered like a champ. Her enthusiasm was only second to her mom’s ability to navigate a marathon map like a NAVY SEAL. Also, huge thanks for Aunt Katie for shuttling the boys, cheering the runners, and making us delicious soup that thawed out our frozen tummies.

8. Don’t project your limitations on your runner. Yes, I may struggle running a 5K. Yes, M can run a 42 K with ease, but I can’t let my clumsiness and personal opposition to every muscle in my body throbbing limit him. Marathon runners understand things like what to stretch, when to ice, and when to heat. Don’t tell your runner he should collapse into a tub of boiling hot bath salts when he’s done, because he’ll have to explain to you that’s not really a great idea. In fact, M VOLUNTEERED to take the twins to a birthday party yesterday after the race. Rest assured I told him to go and sleep until Wednesday (like I would have), but he needed to “loosen up his muscles.”Another mystery.
9. Do ask your runner to wear something bright and unusual. As you can see in the picture above, M donned a neon-green headband for us. AND IT WORKED. We did not spot him every time–we spotted that headband. Next marathon, I’m hoping he’ll try the sombrero I saw one dedicated (and easy-to-spot) Daddy wearing.
10. Don’t Forget. Another marathon season is in the books. We’re likely to forget the hours M spent on those cold, solo runs, the excitement of seeing him running his heart out on the course, the pride of watching him right after he crossed the finish line, the giddiness of the adventure.
But, for posterity, we will always have RUN PAST and GO PADDY.