Never Alone

Sam and Elisabeth are afraid of the dark, which has mostly just been a problem at night. Sam shares a room with Nate and Elisabeth sleeps with Catie. You would think this roommate situation would be enough to combat their fears.

Nope. Even with a sibling sleeping inches away, both Sam and Elisabeth need the lights on to protect them from the monsters under their beds, waiting to grab their ankles. When I tuck them in at night, their rooms are brighter than a Broadway stage. They’ve got closet lights, bathroom lights, and night lights shining all over the place.

The light habit has seemed to harmless to me. I sleep with a sound machine, so I’m sympathetic to their sleep-crutch needs. They need extra light (like 7,000 watts of light, but whatever) just like I need extra sound.

Until I started to notice… the twins Dark Secret goes way beyond nighttime.

All dark rooms, all hours of the day, terrify them. In the past couple weeks, I’ve figured out that these two never go anywhere alone. Not into the playroom to grab a toy, or into their closet to grab a fresh shirt, or into the shoe closet to get their socks.

They have developed some mad coping skills, in the form of the buddy system. In the way that siblings,  wordlessly negotiate arrangements way beyond their years, they have worked this problem out.

Elisabeth will say, “Sam! I need to go upstairs for my hat. Come with me!”

Without even looking away from his sword fight with Nate, Sam will trudge up the stairs with Elisabeth.

Or, upon finishing his homework, Sam will say, “Elisabeth! Come with me downstairs to put this in my backpack.” She won’t argue. Because that’s part of the trade-off. In a system they’ve understood for years, each one sacrifices in return for the other’s future chaperone services.

I don’t know how in the world I’ve missed this was going on, but I have.

And now I’m worried. Because they are six-and-a-half years old. Not only should they have a little more security by now, I’m concerned about their little developing personalities.

When I was a kid, I spent hours by myself. Whole afternoons. Sometimes full days, playing in my room or reading or daydreaming. The skill of enjoying my own company has been invaluable over the past couple decades. When I take a Time Out to hear God’s voice or my own thoughts, it’s like a gigantic exhale. It’s detoxing all the other distractions that come with being around other people all the time.

So, how in the heck am I raising kids who are never alone? And what can I do to change it so they can feel the complete peace that comes with being alone?

Here’s what I’m doing. I’m identifying the problem (fear) and delivering the antidote (God). As a family, we have started praying for God to give us faith to face our fears. We are talking about trusting God more than anything else. You don’t need someone to go into the garage with you because God is right here with you, holding you. And He is so much more powerful than anything you can imagine.

As a reminder, the kids and I have made a humungous, tacky sign. It is hand-painted and ugly and so conspicuous. We have hung it in our living room because we need this obvious reminder to help us remember this important message.