Today I’m asking our sweet, sensitive Greyhound fraudulent questions. Which, yeah, I know. Asking fake questions from a pet is probably some new low. But Manny has a story to tell, so neither one of us cares this awkward blog post is hokey. (SEE? I BELIEVE THE GREYHOUND KNOWS WHEN BLOG POSTS ARE HOKEY. MOST LIKELY A NEW LOW HERE.).
FAQ #1: Beautiful picture, Manny. Where are you?
Manny: Look. I don’t know what’s going on. Some kind of Greyhound Torturing? Last week my humans were all like, “Let’s go on a ride, Manny!” So, I jump in the car. For THIRTEEN HOURS, it was constant kicking, bumping, and teasing me with delicious-smelling food. Then, they’re all like, “Go potty in this ditch on the side of the highway.” Ummmmm, no. Let’s be clear, I’m not a Cocker Spaniel. FINALLY, they’re like, “WE ARE IN KANSAS.” And I’m like, “WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHERE IS MY BED?”
FAQ #2: So, you’re in Kansas now?
Manny: As far as I can tell, we WERE in Kansas. Which had all these loud trains going past, and it was next to impossible for a Greyhound to sleep. After another LONG trip with all of the kicking, they say we’re in Nebraska. Both places lack proper Greyhound bedding, that’s all I know. Oh, I also know that “family road trips” are so NOT for me.
Manny: As far as I can tell, we WERE in Kansas. Which had all these loud trains going past, and it was next to impossible for a Greyhound to sleep. After another LONG trip with all of the kicking, they say we’re in Nebraska. Both places lack proper Greyhound bedding, that’s all I know. Oh, I also know that “family road trips” are so NOT for me.
FAQ #3: Why? Isn’t it a great chance to bond with your family?
Manny: You. Do. Not. Even. Know. Yesterday was a nightmare. I’m pretty sure July 4 was the day the Greyhound Haters attacked our home. For TWELVE HOURS I was shaking in the corner of the closet. While my humans WALKED AROUND in the bombs and gunfire. Then they were in a PARADE with all those horrific noises. This was the moment I stopped trusting them as leaders of our pack. I’m my own dog now. These people are crazy.
FAQ #4: You know you still have to drive home, right?
Manny: Ughhhhh. The drives are really bad. There really doesn’t seem to be proper relaxing room for six humans, a neurotic Cocker Spaniel, and a Greyhound in their vehicle. How can I remind these humans that Greyhounds are sensitive, thin-skinned, and easily upset? Because, seriously, road trips with kids and bombs and gunfire are really better suited for Labs. Or deaf Cocker Spaniels.
